Are you on Skype?

This webcam thing is totally kick-ass!

I heart my webcam. Really- I guess that I love everyone else's webcam because they allow me to see other people. We got ours yesterday. We got it all hooked up and running this morning. We communicated with the Causey's in PDX for a while and then we chatted with my pops. This shit is so much better than talking on the phone. If you already have internet service, then it doesn't cost you anything extra. I am super stoked on this technology.

We had to set up the webcam on Heather's work laptop due to the unreliable performance of our home laptop lately. The home laptop is mysteriously working again right now. I think that the reason for the poor performance of this machine may have something to do witht he fact that I spilled a beer into it the other night. I actually spilled said beer right next to the machine. I thought that I was in the clear until I went to type something and was met with a very loud beeping noise that clearly communicated to the user that something is definitely not working. It was then that I took a closer look at the machine and noticed a tiny dried trail of suds that terminated right into the keyboard.

The rest of the computer seemed to be functioning normally. The keyboard was just not operational. We started using the onscreen keyboard until we purchased a seperate keyboard to plug into it. Whatever- I actually like using the real keyboard. Everything seemed cool until I started installing the software for the new webcam last night. All of a sudden the mouse wouldn't work. Then the computer started making all kinds of weird noises. Several restarts provided no relief from the failures. Same story this morning. I thought that I would check it just for kicks this afternoon. Boo-Ya! Success. I have very little expectation for the future performance of the machine. We bought it in 2003, so it's led a long fruitful life. Problem is- we have no money with which to purchase a new machine. Luckilly, Heather can bring home her work laptop every day. We have an external hard drive that contains all our files, so we're cool.

We really want to try out a macbook with our next machine. I was looking at some prices the other day, and I saw some basic macbooks for a grand. I think that we'll just wait until we have the money for one of those badboys. That might be a while. Until then I am looking forward to lots of strange noises from this thing and lots of explicatives out of my mouth.

The cowboys are playing right now. Final week of the season with a win and in scenario. It's basically a playoff game for the boys. Damn it's gonna be a good game. I will begin watching it soon. I'm recording it and waiting for a while so that I can skip through commercials and not catch up to the live action until the end. I normally wait until the game is almost over before I start watching so that I can skip commentary between plays as well, but this is a huge game and I actually want to hear what those knuckleheads have to say about it all. The eagles actually have a couple of my favorite players. John Runyan, Dawkins and Westbrook. I love those guys, but I hate that team- and those fans.

I am now going to begin calling people to bug them to get a webcam and get on Skype. This could take a while, but it will all be worth it in the end. The glorious end.

I-285 Again

Jesus- what does it take to become a frequent flyer? Yet another trip last week. Destination- ATL!

Why would I go back to that sorry city yet again? I'll tell you why. It was Gloria's 60th birthday (that's Heather's mom), and Heather, Jen, Steve and I all flew in to celebrate with her.

We left the negative temperatures in Denver and arrived to 70 degrees in the A-town. Humidity and everything! It was awesome. Pops picked us up at the port and we wasted no time in getting to a Mexican joint for some white cheese dip and margs.

We dropped pops off (he was nice enough to let me use his pimpin' ride) and headed to Perimeter for the birthday dinner. We got a private room at Chequers and enjoyed some of the best food that I have ever had. The Tuna was quite possibly the most delicious thing to enter my mouth. Ever.

The next day we headed up to Gloria and Michael's mountain house in Franklin, N.C. Michael just bought the neighboring property (including the palatial double wide), so it was fun to have a huge area to roam. The boys had a campfire and we drank several bottles of some premium Avery shit from Michael's reserve collection. Relaxation was had by all.

The following day we packed up and headed to Michael and Erin Smith's place in Braselton. That's Heather's brother. The evening ended in usual fashion with Heather and her brother fighting as we pulled away and headed back to Gloria and Michael Reynolds place.

We got up the next morning and headed to Marietta to see pops and B.A. We hung out with them all day and then pops dropped us off at the Simon's, where dad took posession of his pimp ride again.

We had a lovely dinner and visit with Tony and Gia before playing Rock Band until 2 A.M. We had many delicious libations and rocked the shit out of that so called game. I will be purchasing Rock Band at some point in the future. Off to Hartsfield in the morning to meet up with Jen and Steve and cruise back to Denver.

I hate those kind of trips. It's time off of work, but it's no vacation. Trying to visit as many people as possible in a very short time. Driving all around the greater metro area and beyond. It sucks. When I got to work the next morning, I felt like I needed a day off.

Luckily Christmas is here. X-mas is good for a day off of work, but that's about it as far as I'm concerned. Everybody goes broke trying to buy gifts for everybody else. People do their annual piece of charity work and pat themselves on the back while the poor go around with no health care the rest of the year. Currrent musicians take already marginal christmas songs and do their inevitably terrible renditions. You have to say "Happy Holidays" to everyone you come in contact with. I don't care if they have a happy holiday at all.

Christmas sucks.

Having said that; I did buy presents for all the family members and so I will be accepting gifts in return. We got webcams for all the family this year so that we can communicate all futuristically. Problem is- the credit card rewards gift card that we're using to buy our own webcam hasn't come in the mail yet. We don't have our own webcam. Oh well- Jetson like communications will have to wait for Heather and I.

We have Jen, Steve, Kim Turner and Kim's folks coming over for Christmas Dinner tonight. Heather is currently cleaning the house. I should probably get to helping her out before her anger boils up inside to the point where it comes spewing out all over my face. I can handle the molten malisciousness- it's the dog that I feel bad for. He shouldn't have to witness those things.

ipod ruining my life

Heather had her 10 year anniversary with her company this week. She had her choice of what I must say was an oddly eclectic list of gifts. While I was pulling for the Hitachi 18 volt combo cordless tool kit, Heather made the smart decision and went with the new ipod classic. This thing is 120 GB. That's unbelievable. Yet it still costs less than our first ipod (which was the mac daddy at 30GB). We have a huge music collection at 70 GB. The new ipod has been syncing since 9PM last night. It is currently 12 hours into the process and is (please wait while I go check the status) not even halfway done. Sweet Jesus we need a USB 2.0 port.

It snowed again in Denver last night. We got about 4-5 inches. Winter has officially set in. I think I might go get some winter tires put on the Jeep. My southern truck (a.k.a. rear wheel drive) has been sliding all over the place. No studs mind you. The new technologies relating to rubber compounds are great. They make studless winter tires now that you can run all year. People are getting like 40,000 miles out of a set. I put a set of expensive all seasons on the Lexus (Heather's car now) and it is getting great traction in the snow.

I'm going to add a second tap to my kegarator setup at the house. I'm a freakin' brewer. Why shouldn't I have two of my own beers on tap at home? Hell, I think I'm being pretty conservative by only adding one. I should be able to scrounge enough parts from the brewery to keep it well under $50. This is not good news for my liver.

Am I crazy or isn't one supposed to shovel their sidewalk when it snows? Looking down the street this morning while I was shoveling the walk I couldn't help but notice that only one other person had cleared their walk. Does that mean that I am a better person than my neighbors? I say yes. I am a better person.

I already want a snowblower.

Shady People Doing Shady Things

So I watched a pretty good movie this weekend. "Smart People" stars Dennis Quaid, Ellen Page, Thomas Hayden Church and Sarah Jessica Parker. I find Parker to be annoying, but in this film she played a role that is unlike most of her previous rolls. She didn't annoy me at all in this film. That's good- because you don't want to annoy me. Bad things friend. Bad things.





One of the things that I really liked about this movie was the fact that it was really just a moment in time during these character's lives. There was very little back story on the characters, and nothing was really resolved in the end. I dig those kind of movies. I freakin' hate it when everything is wrapped up nicely during the final 10 minutes, or when the good guy wins in the end. I like it when the good guy dies or the movie just abruptly ends while everything is still all screwed up. Like I said- don't cross me friend. I'm mean.





I love my dog- he's the coolest. That's what his medal says- "coolest dog". Not really- but it could- cause he's cool.


One thing that I love about city parks is walking by all the parked cars with people in them and wondering what they're up to. This morning I walked by a guy in his car who was eating fast food. He had wrappers up on the dash while he wolfed this crap down. His face was glowing as he kept looking around. He had on a uniform shirt of some kind. He was obviously headed to work. You gotta wonder if his wife won't let him eat that crap or if he's supposed to be on a diet; and that's why he can't eat it at work either. I have walked by cars where one person gets in another car and they're making out. Hmmm.....

Also- you've got these people who drive to the park to take care of their business that they don't want anyone to see; and they're right next to kids going to football practice and homeless people, and me walking my dog. All different classes of people side by side. That's the reason I so love the DMV. Doesn't matter who you are, you gotta go the DMV and wait like everyone else. I mean- If Warren Buffet wants a drivers license, Warren Buffet's gonna be sitting next to that same trashy toothless dude that you are. Of course- these social phenomenons only occur inside large cities. That's another reason that I like living in the city.

People in America seem to think that we have a very multicultural society. You know- the melting pot and all that crap. Bologne. Go to a big city in Canada sometime. That's multicultural. The big cities in Mexico have all sorts of people from all over the dag blamed globe. The history of Mexico is full of people migrating there. Whatever- I just wish that people in this country would stop thinking so highly of their "tolerance". Ethnic groups in this country still tend to gather in neighborhoods populated by their own kind. I know that's human nature, but it's less the case in some other places.

Got myself a new pair of Dickies yesterday. The old workpants were wearing holes. These Dickies oughta take care of that concern. I love the little proud moments in the life of a blue collar working man. I'm not joking. These are my people- this is who I am. I will never work another desk job in my life. Take that shit to the bank. And get me some money while you're there. Blue collar has it's downsides.

Feeling an Itch

It was 9 degrees last night while I was driving home from Boulder. 9 degrees. The roads were rich with ice and snow. My morning commute yesterday took 2 hours and 20 minutes. The high temp was 23. Tomorrow it will be 59 degrees. Last Sunday it was 69 degrees. This place has some fucked up weather.

I went to Portland a couple of weeks ago. I flew in on a Friday morning. I sat down on the train and waited for it to depart. Another train pulled into the port and I watched the people unload. What a mix of folks. Old dudes with stylish facial hair and cool hats. Young people with all sorts of body jewelry and tatoos. Rednecks with lots of plaid and baseball caps. I hadn't seen such a variety of people in a while. Like- since I left Portland. The thing of it was- they all existed together in harmony.

I walked off the train and strolled to Richard's house where i dropped off my crap. I hopped a bus from there and headed downtown. I went to the foodcart row at Stark and fifth. I got the biggestest baddest assinest falaffel sandwich ever. I sat downtown eating my supersandwich and watching people. It was at this point that I almost called to cancel my return flight.

I went down to the Rock Bottom to kiss a little ass of my regional manager- Van. He happens to be buddies with Jamie from Ninkasi, and Jamie happened to be there. We all walked around the brewery and shot the shit. Drinking beers of course.

I hooked up with Spence and he drove me to the old hood where I went for a visit to the old house. Is fucking weird to be in your house while someone else's shit is filling it.

We went out to Lompoc and met up with all sorts of folks. Hit ground kontrol for a while before Zak and I went over to the Green Dragon to meet up with Richard.

Off to Eugene in the morning to see the Ducks game. Tailgating is one of my favorite things to do. Good times.

I love Portland. A lot. I want to get back as soon as I can. I enjoy having new experiences, but it's clearly going to take more than Denver to keep me away from Portland.

I am now doing some brews from start to finish on my own. There will soon be beers on tap that I can call my own. I still love working at the Walnut in Boulder. The commute is long, but it is totally worth it. That place kicks ass. I speak of both the bar and the city.

Thanksgiving is a stupid holiday. Ours was mellow and I am thankful for that.

I am looking forward to getting up to the ski resorts. Heather and Jen went last Monday. Heather got all new boarding gear. New boots, bindings and board. We are actually hooked up with all the apparel. We slowly found good deals on ski clothes over the years. We rarely went to the mountain, so it's all lightly worn and in great shape. I am looking forward to cozy cabins with hot tubs and fireplaces and snowshoeing with Dunkin. I am going to attempt to ski, but my knee is not doing so great- so my outlook is guarded.

I want to roll. I am going to quit this blog and try to talk Heather into going bowling.

Too Spicy

I entered a chili cookoff yesterday. I finished second. There were only three chilis there.

It was at the Perkin's house in Lafayette, CO. There were supposed to be six chilis there, but three people flaked on making chili. What a bunch of lazy ass holes. It's not hard to make chili. Just throw some meat, beer, onions, peppers, canned tomatoes and water into a big pot. Add some spices and lots of chili powder and there ya go- chili. That is of course not how I make chili, but not everyone is willing to spend six hours on the task.

I had the contest in the bag despite the stupid scoring system, and then two late-comers arrived at the party. I forget the guys name, but under the taste category- he scored my chili a one out of ten because it was too spicy for him to taste at all. What a pussy. I lost the contest by 2 points. 188 to 186.

My chili was the shit. The winner even announced upon accepting his prize that mine was the best chili. Whatever, he didn't have anybody ask him how he made his chili. Even his wife asked for second and third helpings of mine. I was simply deducted by numerous people for being too spicy- even after they all said that mine was clearly the best. I'm done now- except to say that this batch was the best chili that I have ever made. I continue to get better. I think that I am ready for a real competition.

The L button on my laptop is failing. How frustrating.

I am flying to Portland this Friday. My first time back since leaving last July. I can't explain how much I am looking forward to this visit. I really miss that city. I am going to the Oregon game with Zack and Richard on Saturday. It is an annual thing for us, and I am excited not to miss this year due to geographic obstacles. Priorities are important.

It will be very strange to see my house, and even more strange to not be sleeping there.

I started working at a second brewery last week. The Walnut Brewery in downtown Boulder. What a kick ass place! I love that downtown. I love that bar. I love my new boss. I will be splitting time between the Denver Chophouse and the Walnut. I totally dig this situation. It is fun to go to a different place for work. Mix it up a bit. Plus- the Perkin's house is on my way home. I have already crashed Perkin's family dinner once. I love that place. I love that family.

My new work situation will almost double my income- bringing me slightly above the poverty line. Woo-hoo! My boss decided to just give me the max pay for an assistant brewer at Rock Bottom. He said that I probably won't be working any harder in order to get little pay raises. He is correct. He said that he believes that I work hard because I want to be a brewmaster. He is correct again. Things are looking real good on the brewmaster carreer path.

I am enjoying my job and the potential for this to be a career so much that I have even relaxed my already fluid plans to move forward on the cruising sebatical in a year. I really lucked into this brewing situation, and I am going to make the most of it. The senior brewer for Rock Bottom is named Scott. Scott runs the Westminster brewery. Whomever is currently training under Scott will be the next Brewmaster. The other day my boss was talking to me and he mentioned Scott. During the conversation he very casually slipped in the phrase "Scott is who you will be working for soon". I can't expain how excited I got.

Man I can't wait to start making some money. This living on minimum wage thing is shit. I am freaking poor. Heather makes good money, but it's not enough to make up for what I am making. If somebody would buy my stupid sailboat, then our troubles would be over. Until that happens I will remain cash poor. I miss going out to bars and restaraunts. I am tired of my cooking.

Despite my financial difficulties, I have not been this happy in a long time. I have never in my life been excited about my job before. My bosses love me. I doubt that they have ever had an assistant tackle their menial work with such enthusiasm and care. I mean, cleaning brewery equipment is not fun work- and most people just do what they have to. I leave that shit sparkling. When I reach my alloted hours, I clock out and then continue working. It might sound crazy, but it actually makes me happy.

Sunday chores await. Now I am done.

Yo Ho Ho-

It's the brewing life for me. I dig this job. You gotta work a lot of hours; but you can work those hours whenever you want. I see why brewers typically start work very early in the morning. It takes about 9 hours to brew a batch of beer. Tack on another 3 hours if you want to do a double brew and fill up the fermenter.

Right now I am lounging in bed at 7 AM because all of our fermenters are full of beer that is still fermenting or barely attenuated. We won't be able to brew again for at least 11 days. There is plenty of maintenance cleaning to be done, but the faucets have been cleaned and we cleaned all the lines on Wednesday. (I can taste the difference in the beer). The brewmaster decided to have an easy Friday today. He can do that. As long as the serving vessels are not empty and the costs are not abnormally high, nobody messes with him. He sets his own hours.

I have been bringing home growlers of our beer, but growlers suck. I have worked the old craigslist magic and acquired an old refrigerator from some old lady in a retirement community. $50 for a working fridge that is still in current use in her kitchen. Scott is bringing his work trailer over tomorrow morning and we will go get this bad boy with the help of a full on appliance dolly we use for barrels at the brewery. I don't plan on breaking a sweat. My boss is going to supply all the tapping equipment for me. From now on, when we decide to empty a serving vessel a little bit early- that beer will go into a keg in my fridge. Hell yeah- it's the brewers life for me.

I am finally getting comfortable with operations at the brewery. That shit was pretty overwhelming at first. It's like a big boy erector set that uses giant hoses, clamps, gaskets, tees, elbows, valves and all sorts of other hardware. Everything centers around a huge hot water tank and a powerful pump. I can't tell you how confusing it all was for the first few days.

Brewing has been really fun this week. We made a bitter on Monday. It's called "extra bitter bitter", and it was the first non regular beer that I helped to make. It was also the first beer that has lots of hops in it. I think we used about 11 pounds of hops for a seven barrel batch. Yesterday we brewed a dopplebock. This was the first high gravity beer I've brewed. It made cleaning the mash tun much harder work. That was a lot of grain. The hopper below the mill actually filled up and the grain was spilling out of the test slot right below the gringers of the mill. We used as much grain as we possibly could. Lot's of specialty grain in that dopplebock. We used a lot of hops in that beer as well, but you won't notice with all that malt. The wort was amazingly sticky. I'm really excited about both of these beers.

I'm struggling to find books that I want to read in the Denver library. You see, Denver does not have the greatest collection of sailing books. In fact, there were only two books that I hadn't read. I bought a couple of cheap paperbacks from our local bookstore, but those books have been consumed long ago. I just read "into the wild". It was a cool book, but I want to read about sailing. Oh well, I guess I'll have to give in and read something else. I definitely can't afford to go online and buy sailing books. Did you know that I make minimum wage? Not for much longer. After another week, I'll be working about 24 hours a week at the brewery and earning the same paycheck.

I have a lead for another job. The guy who delivered some chemicals to the brewery was chatting with my boss and telling him about losing two employees. That would be perfect for me. I could walk in to his business and do anything he needs me to do without any training. I would be able to deliver chemicals to all the breweries in town and get to know the brewers. I will be getting his contact info today.

Only 1 week until the Great American Beer Festival. Tony, Mike and Kelly will all be visiting Denver for this glorious event. The largest beer festival in North America will elude us no longer. How to drink so many beers and remain upright? The boys will be attending 2 nights, but I fear that still won't be enough to taste all the beers that we'll want to sample. We'll see. With the one ounce tasters, we should be able to get through most of them.

Well I guess that I should get out of bed. I don't have to be at the brewery until 11 AM, but I got some things that I want to do this morning; like finish off my leftover mexican food from last night. Talk about your breakfast of champions. I fear no BM. Talk about a band name.....

Working Man

It's official. I have just completed my first shift as a brewer.

I am the assistant brewer at the Denver chophouse and brewery. It's a very nice restaraunt right smack towndown Denver; 1 block from Coors field. The brewery is located in the middle of the restaraunt and is glassed in on 3 sides. The brewers are visible to all.

The brewmaster is Kevin Marley. He brews 8 beers on site. 2 stouts, a red, a wheat, a pale ale and 3 lagers. That's right- 3 lagers. I was blown away by that. The fermenting tanks have centrally cooled glycol running around the lining, so temperature control is not a problem. The brewery is bigger than I thought it would be. There is a lot of capacity there. There is also a lot to be maintained.

Today I disassembled, cleaned and reassembled tap faucets for 2 hours. I did manage to gouge my hand with a screwdriver while trying to poke out a stubborn faucet part. Luckily the boss wasn't around, so I tracked down a first aid kit and bandaged myself up. It is a pretty nasty cut. I got a system down after the wounding and hauled ass through the last 8 taps. The brewery supplies 2 sepearate onsite bars with a total of 48 taps. The second place is a dueling piano bar called sing sing.

I spent the morning getting a very long and detailed tour of all parts of the brewery and beer system. I always figured that some outside company maintained the CO2 lines and beer line runs. Not so much. That shit is complicated- and will soon be my responsibility.

Kevin has never had a well trained assistant, so I agreed to get paid very little money in order to work with him full time for one month and get trained. After one month or so, my hours will go down, but my hourly wage will go way up. Hopefully I can pick up some shifts at other breweries at that point. This plan will allow Kevin to finally have an assistant that can handle any facet of the operation. It will free him of much responsibility, and I will hopefully get more responsibility than the average assistant. I am totally fired up about it.

It's actually nice to be working again, even if I am taking a large paycut from being unemployed. I don't like being unemployed. I was always feeling guilty about not being productive enough. I would rather go to work and be forced to be productive: then I can come home and be lazy with a clear conscious. Hell, I haven't updated this thing in 4 weeks while being unemployed, now I make an entry the first day after work. See!

I gotta go walk the dog. Heather will be home soon, and our landlord will be visiting us this afternoon. She is in town from Chicago and wants to drop by to meet us and check on her house. I can't wait to show her the stuff that she is too cheap to get fixed.

Welcome to Mile High

So much for the beer blog. I have tried no new beers since the last post.

I have, however, learned a whole lot about beer. I have decided to solicit Great Divide Brewing for a job. I'm aware that the odds of me being hired are quite slim, but I gotta try. I wanted to do some reading before writing my resume in order to make it sound like I know a lot about making beer. Great Divide (GD) is located smack downtown Denver. Easy bike ride from the duplex. GD knows how to make good beer. Typically they brew in a more traditional European style, but their beers are always high quality and some of them are quite big. Their Hercules double IPA is a huge beer, as are a couple of their other beers. When they want to brew west coast style, they do it well. Every year in the fall they bring in a huge shipment of fresh hops after the harvest season and brew up a pale ale using loads of fresh hops at the end of the boil, on the way to the fermenter as well as during fermenting (dry hopping). They know what they're doing and I want them to teach me. We'll see. My ass has to re-write my resume first.

Heather and I are settling into our new place nicely. The unpacking is finished. The one thing that we were desperately missing was a grill. I have been watching craigslist like a hawk, and this morning someone posted a basic weber kettle that was brand new in the box. Less than half the cost of new. I was all over that weber like a guy who really needs a grill.

Remember when you didn't know where you were going and you had to get diresctions from people? I ask for this guys adress and he asks where I am. I tell him, and then he starts giving me directions. I was like "hey grandpa, just give me your adress alright"? Google maps gives way clearer directions than some guy I don't know. Hell, I don't even use the directions. I just look at the map and write down whatever I think that I will forget. Of course, I am directionally gifted.

Got home and put together the kettle in a snap. There was a brief interuption when the maintenance man showed up to the duplex. Ya see, we have this slight problem. There's a hole in our garbage disposal. Neat, huh? We had the cabinet door open while cooking the other night to access the garbage when Heather flips on the garbage disposal and gets squirted in the leg. Oops. Come to find out, it leaks anytime the water backs up at all and pours out of the hole.

Then we got some rain this weekend. O.K.- we got a lot of rain this weekend. Turns out our skylight in the bathroom leaks. Drip drip drip into the tub is one thing, but drip drip drip on my head while I'm sittin' on the throne aint gonna work at all. I don't care how rarely it rains in Denver, that's gotta get fixed.

The maintenance guy was totally cool. We talked old houses and he made sure to let me know that he knows a lot more than me. That's fine. Know it alls like myself need to be put in our place from time to time. This dude was like a cowboy/hippie with a lazy eye. I don't know how else to explain it. Shoulder length red hair with earrings, but jeans with a denim shirt and a Chevy Tahoe. We hit it off instantly. I'm thinking about asking him out on a date.

The Dallas Cowboys played the Denver Broncos in a preseason matchup last Saturday at Mile High Stadium in Denver. Damn right I was there. Eric Engelbrecht, Scott Perkins and yours truly got together for some boozin' and grubbin' before the rain game 2008. It poured all weekend. Luckily it stopped in the afternoon on Saturday for a while. We didn't get rained on too bad until we were so drunk that we didn't care. I'm not even sure that I noticed.

Yates promised that he would hook us up with good tickets if we would wait till after kickoff, so we posted up at the hotel bar right next to the stadium. Kickoff, first drive for the Broncos, first drive for the Cowboys. Our faith was dwindling. We were wishing we would have scalped. Finally we went down to the stub hub room of the hotel and Eric went in to do a little Yandon Brates name dropping. About ten minutes later we were sitting 8th row on the 50 yard line. I never lost faith in Brandon- I swear. That man could charm the thong off a stripper. Better than you.

I haven't been out with guys like Eric and Scott in a while. We kinda got a little out of hand with the boozing. My condition Sunday would best be described as un-operational. Sometimes you gotta sacrifice a Sunday if you want memories like that. By that, I mean memories that you have to work for. You know, you're in the shower three days later and you remember why there was cream cheese in your shoe. Ah.... good times.

Well, the breadwinner is home from work, so I'm gonna go enjoy a happy hour beer and some snacks with the little lady.

New Blog Purpose

Until I get a job, this is going to turn into a beer blog. Just what the blog world needs....

Today I had another fine brew from the folks at O'Dells brewing in Ft. Collins, CO. At least there's one good brewery in Ft. Collins. Seriously though, O'Dells is the shit. Clearly my favorite new discovery in the beer world. It's hard to put anyone ahead of Avery, but O'dells is gat dang good.

The stores in Denver get a larger variety of brews from Green Flash brewing in San Diego. I am enjoying a bomber of Imperial IPA as I write this. Wait........mmmmm that's good. Waiting for me at the liquor store down the street is a red ale from the flash, as well as a nut brown and a stout.

Denver distributors also boast a larger selection from Dogfish, Stone, Moylans, and of course Avery. The one brewery that I am already missing is Bear Republic. No more Red Rocket for me...... boo hoo. The beer guy at my local kick-ass liquor store tells me that Bear Republic was only available in bombers, and they didn't sell well at all. The distributor told him that Bear Republic was having problems with distribution. Bullshit. When I told him that Portland gets sixers of red rocket and racer 5, he was pissed.

You know what's funny? Well I do. Denver has every Bridgeport beer in sixers; even ESB. Portland stores don't even carry all the bridgeport stuff. I just assumed that they didn't bottle the ESB. Whatever- Bridgeport is low on the micro totem poll anyhow. Not as low as New Belgium.

Did somebody mention New Belgium? God I hate them much more now. Every place in Denver has god damn New Belgium. Me: "Hi there, what micros do you have? Server X: "Oh- we have all the New Belgium beers". What am I supposed to say? If I roll my eyes and then ask if they have any good micros- I sound like a beer snob/geek- which is so geeky. If I say nothing, then the server might think that I know so little about beer or my taste in beer is so unrefined that I actually like that crap.

Eric Engelbrecht just walked in- we're gonna take the dogs to the dog park I guess.

Happy drinkin

Back Online

Life without the internets? In 2008? For me, this was the reality for a while.

I left Atlanta and drove to Arkansas. I have no fancy smartphone to access either the fancy new 3g nor the snail like edge mobile networks. I landed at my grandpas house which happens to be right exactly in the middle of nowhere, USA. He is old. There is no internet connection available.

I end up spending the majority of the trip in the White County Hospital, where there is no available internet connection. After speaking with countless very nice but very redneck people, I finally learned that one can pick up the wireless network from one area of the hospital. I rushed to the "canteen" only to find that while there is in fact a wireless network connection, there is no internet connection.

You may be saying to yourself "what a dumbass, why didn't he just go to a Starbucks"? Well, dumbass, you've obviously never been to Searcy, Arkansas. Starbucks aint everywhere yet.

Back to Atlanta and a quick posting from the Simon house before coming back to Denver and moving into my new duplex with no internet connection. Yes, my neighborhood has an abundance of coffee shops with wifi, but one would be required to get out of bed and go to said wifi hotspot.

After moving all of our crap into our new duplex last Saturday, (thanks for the help Jen and Steve) Scott Perkins made a visit to the new place. Pretty god dang good to see that guy. I look forward to much Skitt time this year. Anyhow- crashed hard Saturday night after much hard work and several well deserved Colorado microbrews.

I awoke Sunday to a bit of grogginess. I didn't last very long on the old dog walk before I was freakin spent. I came home and sat down complaining of general puniness. An hour later I was running roughly the same temperature as my car pulling a mountain pass.

Fever, muscle soreness and joint pain racked me for two days. Man I was out. I kept thinking of the two ticks that I pulled off of myself the previous week in Arkansas. Guess I should have gotten some temporary medical insurance. Doh!

I feel much better today, but still not 100%. At least the fever is gone. Feeling plenty good to go sample some more of that Colorado microbrew tonight.

Comcast showed up yesterday to finally hook up our internet. The tech ran all the cable and hooked up the modem, but he couldn't activate the service. Apparently the comcast software that activates new modems was down nationwide. No new internet for me yesterday.

Finally got hooked up today and spent the afternoon perusing craigslist for jobs. Man I don't wanna sell shit, drive truck or dispatch. Tell you what though; those are the good paying jobs that I am qualified for. Fuck it- I'm not gonna do it.

I'm gonna go find someone in Denver that makes really good beer. Then I'm gonna beg them to teach me how they do it. Yes, I will be their bitch: but I will not be selling shit, driving truck or dispatching. If I cannot find a brewpub that makes what I consider to be a high quality product, then I will solicit Avery for a job. It won't be a fun commute, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about traffic at the times they would likely have me start and finish my shift of doing all the gruntwork. If all these attempts fail, then maybe it's time to start looking at the retail end of things. Whatever it takes, beer industry- here I come. Eventually. It could take a while to sample all of these brewpubs you know.

This Land is My Land

10 States in 7 days. That includes a 2 day 3 night stop in Park City.

I went from coast to motherfukin coast.

Left the new home-base Denver and flew to the A-town where my pops scooped me up after a ride on the MARTA. Hit up El Azteca for loads of white cheese dip before heading over to Tony and Gia's for the night. Typical fun filled booze fueled evening at the Simon's.

Picked up pops on Thursday in the AM and started driving to Arkansas. Upon our arrival at Gramps house, we were informed by Grandpa that he has been experiencing chest pain and dizziness when he over exerts himself. Come to find out, over exert is being defined here as walking at a normal pace. Good thing he told us instead of a body mechanic.

We drug him to the physician kicking and screaming the next morning. He was given a heart monitor to wear and an appt. was made for the following Tuesday. The doc didn't see anything urgently wrong with him. This was Friday.

Saturday night we were calling an ambulance for an unrelated issue. Gramps landed in the critical care unit where they determined his non-heart problem to be no big deal. While we were sitting in the critical care room, me and pops informed the nurse of the heart problem. The nurse watched his heart monitor for a couple of minutes and was disturbed. He said (in a redneck accent) "well I'll be- I don't like this at all. He's throwing every type of arythmia in the textbook".

The nurse calls for a cardiologist on early Sunday morning. The heart doc arrives about noon on Sunday and examines Gramps for about 20 minutes before announcing that he is very concerned. Off to the cath lab for a look see inside the ticker. Major blockage in all but one opening. It was so bad that they called the surgeon in right then. They had to get all the people on his team in on a Sunday night. I wonder how many people had been drinking? They haul him in and do a quadruple bypass right then.

Gramps is doing pretty well I guess. How good can you feel 5 days after being opened up like a tin can. They saw right through that chest bone and peel ya open. They wire your chest shut when they're done, but there's just a bit of soreness going on there.

I drove back to Atlanta solo on Thursday while pops will be staying with Gramps for a week before catching a one way flight back home. Tony picked me up after I dropped off pop's car and we headed over to Charlie Mopps for a much needed beer. White County Arkansas is a dry county ya see. Back to the Simon's for a late night marathon Rock-Band session and a late morning into work for the Geester.

Tony and I are off to the Brick Store for some lunch. If you don't know- the Brick Store is the best pub in the USA. That's right- I haven't been to every pub in the USA, and you've never met any of the major gods. Faith.

I have developed a slightly dangerous driving habit. Boredom has led me to look for new viewpoints. I have started viewing oncoming cars by looking at the reflection from my sunglasses viewed via the rear view mirror. Think about it. Then try it.

Back to Denver tonight and moving into the new duplex tomorrow. My life moves fast. You probably couldn't keep up.

Very Mobile

So we have a tenant for our house. Signed contract and all that stuff. Their lease starts July 17th.

We have decided on a duplex in Denver. It's 8 houses down from Jen and Steve's house on the same street! It's a 2 bedroom on a corner lot, so the entrances to the units are on different streets. It also has a finished basement with a second full bath down there and a garage. It's a really nice place as far as finish work and kitchen/bath. We can't move in until August 1st, so we will be living with Jen and Steve for a couple of weeks.

We're VIP tenants. I would just call landlords and tell them about Heather and I over the phone and explain that Jen and Steve were viewing properties for us. The landlord always said something like this: "O.K. I will wait to hear from Jen and Steve before I show the house to anyone else." Every one of them offered us their houses. Damn it feels good to be an adult sometimes. I have to give some credit to Steve and Jen here: I would give them reason to believe we would be great tenants over the phone and then after they met Jen and Steve they were convinced that we were high class. I set em up, they knock em down.

We have 2 ABF moving cubes being dropped at our house on Monday the 14th. They are going to deliver them to the new place in Denver whenever we want. We prepaid for a months storage on them. These moving cubes are the only way to move! It turns out that they were cheaper than renting a truck and driving it ourselves. Once we decided to get a 2 bedroom place in Denver, we were going to take too much stuff to fit into a u-haul trailer behind the Jeep, so it was either cubes or truck.

We had our moving sale last weekend. Made $1,500. We only had 2 items over $50. One for $150 and one for $125. I made huge A frame signs to put on the busy streets. We had lots of traffic. It's amazing what hippies can carry on bicycles.

Our house is a disater area, but we're on track to get packed on time. It's a big house and we've been there for 10 years. Going through cabinets and drawers is a long process involving a whole lot of nostalgia. It's hard not to get lost in blissful memories of being young and fun. Now get back to work.

Another great thing about renting the house (besides the huge profits) is that we were forced to finally take care of all the house maintenance issues that we've been putting off for years. After every single item, I wondered which of us would be the first to say "why didn't we do this years ago"? The answer always involves the words Phil and lazy and/or fuckhead.

So we leave town on the morning of July 17th. Me driving the Jeep, Heather rolling the Lexus. We will be rocking walkie talkies that I stole from work. We will drive to Boise on Thursday and grab a hotel room for the night. We'll get up on Friday and drive to Park City, UT where we will spend the weekend with the Wageck family. We will get up Monday morning the 21st and drive from Park City to Denver. Easy as that.

I am hoping to take a flight to Atlanta later that week and hook up with Big Gar. We will drive to Arkansas and hangout with Old Man Phifer for a while before driving back to Atlanta.

Then I gotta get back to Denver and get a jobbie job. I'm thinking at this point that I'll try to get in with a brewer and learn how to really make beer. I know that I'll just be cleaning all the time, but I'll still get to learn. I dig brewers hours. Those cats work crazy early in the morning. And oh yeah- I kinda like beer too.

So that's that. Aint nothin to it but to do it.

Best City Ever

God Damn I love this city!

I am moving away from Portland in a month, but that is not because I don't love it here. Case in point: Portland is a fairly small city. Portland consumes more Pabst Blue Ribbon beer than any city in the world. Not per capita. Total volume consumed is what we're talking about here. What makes this fact so great is that the people of Portland choose to snub every other macro beer brewer that spends countless dollars advertising their product to the Portland market. Instead, Portlanders choose Pabst because they do not advertise, and pabst symbolizes the working man and the common folk. Sure, Portland loves microbrew; we lead the nation in percentage of total pints poured that are micro compared to macro, but when going the cheap yellow fizzy route, we choose Pabst.

Another great thing about Portland: World Naked Bike Ride. That's right. Last year (2007) Portland's attendance was second only to London. I think London estimates were around 900 while Portland's was estimated at 800. Ian and I took part this year, and the early attendance estimates are around 2,000!

I wouldn't doubt it at all. What a great time. We showed up at about 11 oclock in the PM to the starting point. We were in an empty commercial space in NW Portland. One giant room was open on two sides via roll up doors with a stage and a DJ going. People were dancing in various stages of undress. The next room over was a secure bag check. The next room over was another dance party where they were serving beer. The line wasn't too long. When we pulled up, we couldn't find a spot to tie up our bikes. There were temporary bike racks set up that I would guess could handle at least 500 bikes. They were jam packed. The fences, stair railings, and all sorts of other things were packed with bikes. We finally stumbled across a great tree and tied up.

Inside, the party was happening. I assure you that this was the best DP going on in town. I would say about half the dancers were naked. As the time neared to assemble for the ride, I stayed witht the bikes while Ian checked our bag. This gave me a chance to really observe the event. What a spectacle. People untangling their bikes and slipping all their clothes off while cheers were hailed through the air. The group was taking up both sides of a city street for a block and curvinig around the corner out of my line of vision.

I noticed a few perv guys wandering around with their cameras getting a workout, but they weren't being too creepy. Everybody looks at everybody else naked; but it's normally just a quick glance before looking elsewhere or up to their face. The perv guys are easy to spot as they continue to look back at the same girls over and over while acting like they're moving on. I didn't see anything other than a little lingering from a distance, and I'm pretty sure everyone felt comfortable. The vibe was fantastic. I've always said that some of the best times I've ever had were while I was naked. (And I'm excluding sex).

While I waited for Ian to check our bag, I was panning the crowd as people took off the few remaining articles of clothing. The funniest thing was the three or four guys I saw that were rubbing their unit before taking off their underwear. It was cold out there. I know, because I had already been completely naked for a half an hour. These guys were obviously concerned about shrinkage. They were clearly new to being naked in non-sexual groups. Nobody cares about body types. That includes all body parts. If anything- natural is good. I can see people looking disdainfully at enhanced body parts due to cosmetic surgery, but I've never even heard of that. All of my experiences have supported the fact that once people get naked in groups, they lose their normal tendencies to stereotype. Everyone in the group has one very big thing in common, and they bond over the experience. This night was no exception. I have certainly never been in a naked group of this size, but the bonding happened just the same. It was in fact more impressive because of how few people knew one another. Most people became more friendly to strangers due to the common experience of being naked. I had more people talk to me than normal in the city. Even though it was usually just a passing comment like "damn it's cold", or "that's funny", or "can you believe how many people are here"? - it was still noticeable.

I really expected the crowd to be much smaller for one, and not nearly as young and hip. Most people were under 30, and most people were either hippies, hipsters or burnouts. The serious cyclists were few in numbers, and people over 30 were few in numbers. Being young, the crowd was generally good looking. I enjoy looking at naked people, and there were lots of cute naked girls there. Hundreds actually.

Once the ride began, I would say that about 80-90% of the females were topless. Of those girls, about 25% were bottomless. I would say about half of the guys were completely naked. Others wore various costumes that usually didn't cover very much. It didn't matter what you were or weren't wearing. Nobody cared. The vibe was great.

We rode from the industrial NW up to NW 23rd. We rode up to Burnside and headed for downtown. We hung a right on 2nd and cruised past the bars before heading over the river on the Hawthorne bridge. We headed north on MLK and rode up to the Burnside bridge. We took Burnside across the river and all the way back to NW 23rd and then on down to the starting point.

I'm not gonna lie. It was cold. Especially over the river. Adrennaline works pretty well and the uphill stretches were fine. We were apparently a line that lasted for somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes (depending on downhill or uphill). With our numbers came confidence. We didn't stop for red lights or stop signs or busses or max trains. People were generally excited to see us. Most people just got out of their cars and waved and yelled encouragements. People came out of the bars and lined the sidewalks giving hi-fives. I saw two girls at a bus stop flash us. I saw a homeless guy waving with his pants around his ankles. I saw at least two groups of random cyclists taking off their clothes and joining us. I saw people on the streets getting their pictures taken with naked riders. I heard countless screams and many people just talking to themselves saying things like "unbelievable", "what a city", "only in Portland", "this is awesome" ect....

There were of course some motorists who weren't happy about the delay. Most just sat there and stewed, but some got out and yelled angrily. One truck apparently refused to wait and while a female cyclist stood in front of his truck, he began to inch forward into her. A guy jumped in and put his bike between her and the truck. His bike was crushed. I saw a fight about to happen between a cabbie and a cyclist who was blocking his cab from moving and refused to move. There were a couple of bike crashes as well. I know at least one girl pulled into a tall bike and ended up going over her handlebars. (She was totally naked). I'm guessing that's some nasty road rash.

Whatever- the ride was still awesome. When we got back to the starting point, the party was still going. People were amped from the ride and we went inside to party naked. The beer ran out at about 2 AM. A lot of people were beginning to put some clothes back on, but a lot of people were not. In fact, I saw lots of people get their bags and get dressed before coming back into the party, where they promptly started dancing and taking their clothes off again. It was awesome. But I am getting old, and I was tired. I am pretty certain that the party went until dawn, because I didn't see any signs of it letting up when we left at about 2:15 AM.

You all missed a hell of a good time- and I guess that this was kind of my last great Portland event. It was a good one to go out with. Here is a link to a short article about it. There is a short video if you scroll down. http://bikeportland.org/2008/06/16/a-naked-ride-for-the-ages/

Some Days are Better than Others

Today was a good day. No- today was a fantabulous day.

My boss was late this morning; so I had the office to myself for an extra hour. I had a lunch date with a customer who just took over the logistics manager position her company. This womans name is Gayle. The woman that she replaced was also named Gayle. Coincidence? The old Gayle was like a serpent; but more evil. The new Gayle seemed really laid back and pleasant. She is also nice to look at. Yes I am shallow.

I always let the customer choose the restaraunt. They usually go with a casual and fast chain restaraunt near the office. Sometimes they try to impress me by taking me to a pub with good grub. I always tell them not to worry about the cost, but they never choose an expensive restaraunt. Gayle chose an upscale sushi joint in Bridgeport Village. Hell yeah. She turned out to be way cool, and we really enjoyed ourselves. Neither one of us looked at a clock until we got back to the car. Apparently we took a two hour lunch. Gayle was a bit worried about reporting back to her micro-managing boss; but her boss's car was gone when we pulled up to her office. It was a good day.

By the time I got back to my office, my boss had left for the day. Excellent. I opened up my email to find a new message from a guy who looked at my sailboat last week. He had made me an offer and I had made a counter offer. He decided to accept my counter offer. Hell yeah- the sailboat has been sold. It's not a done deal yet. The offer is contingent upon a haulout/survey, but the odds are very good that the deal will go through. I can't believe that the boat sold so fast.

The Jeep has had 2 different aftermarket stereos recently. Both units have been stolen. It has been almost two years since the Jeep has had tunes. The last time the stereo got jacked, the job was pulled off by some methhead. He fucked up my dash as he had no idea how to steal a stereo. I mean- you can get the tools that will neatly and easily pull out the unit for like $5. No no- he couldn't be bothered with that. He ripped out the head unit and damaged the factory wiring harness. Now the speakers weren't wired correctly.

I finally decided to get some tunes going in the dogmobile again. I found a great head unit for $80. I had to cut out the factory wiring harness, which meant hard wiring the new unit. They always say that this type of installation is "not recomended". Now I know why. I spent 3 hours on it yesterday. Stereo no workie. I busted out my Haynes manual and took a look at the wiring schematic. I need another whiskey. Now it's starting to make sense. I came home from work today and fixed my wiring mistakes. Still no workie. I went online and googled "Jeep Infinity Install". I went through a few of the hits and found a chat room transcript where a former installer at Best Buy explained that the power antenna shares a junction with the wire that turns on the factory amp in these systems. He said to hook up the amp connection from the new head unit to the power antenna wire from the Jeep. I had 3 loose wires from the Jeep, so I tried them all. Whadya know- the third one did the trick! Have I told you recently just how amazing the internets is? I mean- c'mon. I was totally ready to drive my disassembled ass car over to the shop tomorrow with my tail between my legs. Then a quick search online has me fixed up in no time. By a pimply faced kid from Nebraska no less. That shit is awesome!

Now that I have toonage in the Jeep again, I am ready for a camping trip this weekend. The boys are going camping. Beers, brats and burning. Lots of fire and lots of booze. It will be a beautiful thing. A sausage party in the woods. I know I'm going to bring at least 2 pounds of sausage.

Life is good. Oh man- life is good. So is sushi.

Stupid White person

So I drop into a little mexican joint the other day for a nice lunch combo when two gringos get seated right behind me. When the lady orders her huevos rancheros she asks for the eggs to be over medium. So far- so good. The waiter didn't speak great english and he didn't know what over medium meant. The menu clearly stated that the eggs would be served sunny side up. After a hilarious exchange between the waiter and the gringos where the gringo made it very clear that she did not want any runny white stuff, they were all on the same page.

The food came out and the eggs were a little overcooked. There was no runny anything. Keep in mind we are in a mexican joint, not your corner breakfast cafe. The lady called the waiter over and explained that her eggs were overcooked and she wanted a new plate of food. The waiter stated his case that there was in fact "no runny white stuff". Oh man- it was priceless. There is a common phrase that goes - when in Rome, do as the Romans do. It never ceases to amaze me when people bring their own cultural views into another culture's place. When you go to a restaraunt, you are a guest in somebody elses establishment. I mean, if you were a guest in the mexican dudes house, you wouldn't be complaining about your eggs. You would probably look at whatever food was served to you with eager curiosity. You would likely eat it as it was served while being proud of yourself for trying new things.

I realize that the difference is that in one scenario you are paying money for the food, while in the other scenario you are being treated. I still believe that one needs to determine if the restaraunt is "americanized" before you decide to "have it your way". If you are literally in a Burger King, then by all means order your food the way you like it. After all, this is your culture. I'm looking at you gringa. If you are in a restaraunt that is owned and operated by people from another country who don't speak your language very well, then you might be better served to take the opportunity to experience a little piece of another culture and check your american culturalistic perspective at the door. If you don't like runny albumin then don't order something that comes with runny albumin. I know gringa- "what is albumin"?

You can never call me lazy again

Right now Heather is staring at me inquisitively from across the dining table. She is no doubt asking herself how it is that so much could happen in one day.

I woke up thinking it was Saturday. Probably because I had been over-served at the bowling alley last night. It was indeed Tuesday morning. I had a performance review scheduled with my boss for Tuesday morning. Those of you who know me well might have some thoughts as to how such a review would go. It went surprisingly well. Following a long list of compliments which included the phrase "you dress really well at work", there was an agreement that I am a lousy salesman. My boss had concocted a plan where I would do my account management part time and then take over the office duties at our smaller warehouse when his wife quit work to bear his child (which will happen in eight months). It seemed like a great plan except for one minor detail: Heather and I have been considering moving to Denver.

The relocation to Denver has been contingent upon Heather getting approval from her company to keep her job and work from their Denver office. Heather got the final approval while I was meeting with my boss this morning. As soon as I had finished telling my boss just how excited I was about his new plan for my future roll with the company, I sat down and opened the email from Heather with the news. I then walked right over and told my boss that "I quit". Are there any sweeter words in our language? My bosses are friends of mine and they were very happy for me. When I asked him why he looked angry, my boss replied "I am not angry at all- I am quite jealous". The part of my resignation explanation that provoked said envy was not the part about relocating to Denver. It was in fact the part of my plan that followed Denver.

You see, after we move to Denver to spend some time with Jen and Steve, we are going to come back to Portland and sell our house. Then we will buy a sailboat in the the tropics and move aboard. I like it when people are jealous of me. Heather is afraid that envy will lead directly to murder, but I don't think that any of my friends are going to kill me out of envy. Nobody could be envious of my crazy ass mind. Do you really think that you could handle being in my head for a day? I'll bet it's stranger than you realize in there.

So we have decided to rent our house for the 12 months that we will be in Denver. We may visit another city during the year- we're not really sure yet. That's what I'm excited about- freedom. This evening I called a guy that I know who is a contractor. Rick can fix anything in a house. He will be the guy that our tenants will call when water is spewing all over the basement. That happens more often than you might imagine around here. Check off another big decision made today.

I posted the sailboat on craigslist this morning. For a mere 11 grand, you too can be the proud owner of a Newport 28 sailboat. She really is a fine vessel. That was a fairly big decision to make. I will hate to see my first sailboat go. I never even got the chance to smuggle any drugs on her.

I sold my motorcycle this evening. Sold it to a great guy who is very stoked to get his first bike. His buddy came with him and test rode the bike. I am sure that they envisioned overpowering me during price negotiations with their sheer dominance in numbers, but they were not prepared for me at all. I am in such a good mood that when he offered me $100 less than my asking price- I not only accepted, but inquired as to wether or not he had any gear for riding. He responded that he did not have any riding gear at all. His buddy was going to ride the bike back to his house for him. I then offered him my leather jacket and extra helmet for free. I cannot explain to you how excited this guy was. He had scored a great deal on his first bike, and he now had a broken in leather and a lid. I feel god damn good about myself as well. I miss that bike already, but that is the first of many goodbyes that I will be saying to my material things as I prepare for a more rewarding life without all this "stuff".

I saw a doctor today about my malfunctioning eustaychian tube. That is a tube that runs between your sinus cavity and your middle ear. This tube allows air to flow between the two which equalizes pressure between your ears and your outside environment. The pressure in my ears does not equalize very easily. Flying is painful and annoying and I cannot dive below about seven feet underwater. What I learned at my doctor's office is that they can't do shit about it. Oh well- it could be much worse I guess. I could be Ted Kennedy or Hillary Clinton. Wait- she's not dying literally?

I bought some jeans today. A pair of lucky's for $30 and a pair of Perry Ellis' for $20. T.J. Max baby. Do people really pay retail for clothing? Here's a little fact about your Gap jeans- you're about to have a hole in the knee. It aint cause you got a job planting tulips- it's because Gap jeans are made about as tough as my plastic fork at lunch today. Why do restaraunts give you plastic forks?

I had lunch with Mike D today. I broke a plastic fork and a plastic spoon. Not a spork or a foon, but both a fork and a spoon. That's okay- I still love Muchas Gracias. Muchas amore. Mike spit in my food seven times while he was telling me about his trip to San Diego. They did not make it to Stone Brewing- which means their trip failed.

I manged to visit several customers today and secured a delivery for a warehouse customer that will profit $300. I spent about an hour on it. Now that's profit baby!

I was bought as a pet on the myspace today. What does that even mean? I asked my cousin (because she's young and hip), and she had no idea what it means- even though she has bought several people. I don't get it. Get off my lawn.

I am a superhuman. No- I am not even human. I don't think that I even need this food. My superior body will likely not know what to do with these earthly nutrients.

I still have time to get drunk tonight. I will drink a Lagunitus Maximus followed by two glasses of super premium rum. Are you jealous yet? Please don't kill me.

Vacation with a purpose.

I debated whether or not to keep this thing short. I tried to be brief, but it just turned into a more detailed account. I swear that it happened organically. My apologies in advance.

We left on a Saturday night and flew through Phoenix, where we had to change airlines. The Phoenix airport is laid out in such a way that we had to walk outside and catch a bus that must have traveled 2 miles before we had to walk through the terminal and clear TSA security again before getting on our next plane. Somebody in power should have to do push ups non stop until that debacle of an airport is fixed.

We arrived in Atlanta at like 5:30 AM on Sunday. Heather's sister Jennifer and her fiance Steve happened to be in Atlanta at the time, and Heather's mom, Michael, Steve and Jennifer all got up before dawn and drove an hour to the airport to have breakfast with us during our layover. Now that is showing the love. Go team.

We arrived in St. Thomas delirious from lack of sleep and exhausted from travel. Couple of things: St. Thomas is a crime infested shithole. The people are not nice, except to warn you to get back to your hotel before you get mugged and/or raped. They get 2-5 cruise ships a day and the downtown is covered in jewelry stores and other high end shops. When the cruise ships leave, all the stores close and the beautiful old downtown turns into some kind of hip hop version of an old west outlaw town. We got on a public bus and they were blasting radio edited gangster rap at full volume out of blown speakers. Also, they drive on the left, but the steering wheel is on the left. I hate that Island.

Our hotel was pretty cool. Gia has a close friend named Bonnie, and Bonnie's folks own and operate a Bed and Breakfast downtown in the historic district. The rooms weren't particularly nice, but they hooked us up with a good rate and the view was slightly better than the view from my back deck at home. It was a cool place with a pool and the front lobby was an outdoor patio with tables for breakfast and the same view as from our balcony.

We were to meet our charter in Red Hook at noon on Monday. Red Hook is about a half hour cab ride from Charlotte Amalie. Ian and I woke up Monday morning to Heather saying "Guys, we need to get up; it's 12:30". We jumped up out of bed in a panic and Ian checked his cell phone. It was 6:30 AM. Heather had read her watch upside down and it showed a Portland time of 3:30 to her. Why does she have a watch with no numbers on it anyhow? After breakfast, we took a cab to Red Hook to meet our charter. Captain Phil swooped us in the dingy and we sped out to his boat. Storm Petrel is a 44 foot Roberts Offshore sloop built of Steel. She was made with 3/8" thick plates and rigged with extra heavy duty rigging. She weighs in at 40,000 pounds. She is a stout, oceangoing vessel. She is rigged with twin headsails on roller furling and has a 4' bowspirit for a total length of 48' overall. She has a rounded underbody with a long fin keel and a skeg hung rudder. She's got lots of space belowdecks, but only one small head. There is a v-berth cabin up front and a private aft cabin where Heather and I slept. Our hosts slept in the main salon. Storm Petrel has huge tankage. 300 gallons of freshwater and a shower hose on the stern meant that we could rinse often and bathe regularly. (So long as you don't mind bathing al fresco)

Heather, Ian and I took the helm immediately. We hoisted sail and tacked our way over to St. John where we grabbed a mooring in a national park. We went for an interesting but exhausting hike to a place on the interior of the island called the Petroglyphs. There were bitching carvings in the stone surrounded by pools of water and waterfalls. There were some nice views along the trail and the bays were beautiful.

We hit up a little settlement called Coral Bay for some Ice and a beer at a beach bar full of locals instead of tourists. We continued on to a totally private and isolated bay called Newfound Bay. We had to navigate in through a small opening between two coral reefs that protected this beautiful little bay. We stayed there all day, the evening, and most of the next day. We snorkeled a lot and learned to windsurf. I'm telling you, it was paradise. The water was turqoise and clear.

We cruised on over to Tortola in order to clear into the British Virgin Islands. We then cruised over to a little uninhabited island called Norman Island. There were several places like this in the BVI. They would take a beautiful bay and drop a bunch of moorings. (Moorings are like permanent anchors that boats can pull up to and grab) Then they would pick the corner with the best beach and build a restaraunt/bar with a dock. All the empllyees are brought over by boat from a larger island. Early in the day the place is a family friendly beach where tourists get brought from the larger islands by special tour boats (the locals call them tea bag tours because the tourists get dipped in the water briefly). Then the bar is happening at night; often with live music. Sailboats typically pull in and grab a mooring in the afternoon. People hop in their dingies at night and head in to the bar's dingy dock. Before we went to the bar, we took the dingy over to a place called the caves and did some snorkeling. It was really cool. Not surprisingly, there were places where you could swin into some caves. I was underwater at one point and Laura pointed down below me. I looked down to see a four foot Baracuda staring up at me from just below my fins. I looked over towards Heather and she had already swam quite expeditiously behind Ian. I left the area pretty quickly myself. Laura was releasing handfulls of rice out of a ziplock causing hundreds of fish to sworm the area. We grew fond of the snorkeling in the Virgin Islands.

We got up the next morning and did another hike. The views were satisfactory. We then cruised over and dropped anchor close to the wreck of the HMS Rhone. We totally snorkeled around that bad boy. By this time, the students were handling all of the anchoring/mooring tasks. We would take turns being the person at the helm or the person at the bow. Captain Phil and Laura just coached us. There were times, when we were cruising between islands, when Cap'n Phil and Laura would both go below and leave us in charge of the boat. We handled all of these duties with no trouble. We gained a huge amount of confidence in our boat handling and general seamanship abilities.

Following our snorkeling at the wreck of the Rhone, we headed over to the island called Virgin Gorda. There is a largish town there called Spanishtown. We dropped anchor just outside the entrance to the yacht club. We're just not the yacht club type- ya know? We got dingied over to shore and thrown into a taxi with instructions to go wander around a place called the baths. It was brilliant. I have never seen anything like this place. Gigantic boulders everywhere with caves full of turqoise water and little cracks leading to one breathtaking place after another. It was truly amazing. Phil and Laura didn't send us there until very late in the day so that most of the tourists would be gone. During the hour that we wandered around the baths, we only saw two other people. I cannot explain how bitchin' it was. Check out all of the pics on my Flickr page.

The next morning we went over to a very private beach called Savannah beach. We had to sneak in through a bunch of coral heads. One person had to get up on the bowspirit and direct the helsman around the coral heads. Once inside, we located a sandy area and dropped the hook. We dingied right up close to beach and waded on in. Ian did a bit of snorkeling and we all logged some beach time.

After the beach, we weighed anchor and cruised over to Peter Island. It had a similar setup to Norman Island with a beach bar in a bay full of mooring buoys. There was great snorkeling right off the back of the boat in that little bay. We did not eat dinner at any of these restaraunts. The food was included in our boat charter. Laura did a great job with the food. We got breakfast, lunch, happy hour hor-derves and dinner with dessert every day. The meals were delicious. We filled out a preference sheet before the charter, and Laura made sure to cook food we all liked.

Heather woke me up in the middle of the night, a bit startled, talking about bugs in the bed. I quickly determined that this was just a case of some unfounded paranoia and told her to go back to sleep. SAhe switched the lights on, and it was creepy. There were bugs everywhere. Little guys with big wings. We jumped out of bed wildly hopping from one foot to the other and attempting to exfoliate our bodies with our hands. I feared that some bugs living in the boat had hatched or something. I pulled up the matress and thankfully found nothing. I had to pee, so I pulled myself up through the hatch and made a startling discovery. The deck of the boat was covered in these bugs. Just like in our room, about half were already dead. We cleaned all the bugs out of our bed, tightened our hatch down snug and actually managed to get back to sleep.

Come to find out, they were termites. Captain Phil had never seen anything like it before. He called one of his buddies and got the scoop. It had rained very hard that evening, and the termite nest had flooded. The termites abandoned their nest and flew out to sea to die. Our boat was moored right next to land, so the dumb-ass little termites flew right into the boat by the hundreds. They slammed into our open hatch on the stern and fell right down into our bed. OOOOOOOOOHHH!!

Heather spent the morning cleaning dead termites off the deck of the boat. On the bright side, the wind was blowing nicely. We decided to poke our nose out into the open ocean. We dropped our mooring and hoisted sail. We were cruising along nicely on a broad reach for about an hour and a half before this suddenly happened. Ian was chumming; which was totally helpful because we had lines out in a futile attempt to catch some dinner. We went a bit further before deciding to turn around and head back to the islands. Right before our turn, Ian spotted a whale. We turned the boat and then shortened sail to slow the boat and look for the whales. We never did see the whales. While the boat was slowed, the motion became more intense. I began to feel a bit queesy. I never did get sick, but I felt nauscious until we got back the shelter of the islands. I took the helm most of that day, but Ian and Heather were steering as well.

We headed back to St. John and grabbed a mooring in yet another beautiful bay. There was an eco-camp on shore, and we hit it up for some ice and a cold draft beer after our big day out on the open ocean. There was no dingy dock there, so we dingied right up to the beach and tilted the motor up right before we hit the shore. We all jumped out and pulled the dingy up on shore where we tied it to a tree. The view from the eco-camp restaraunt was fantastic. I was wearing my Georgia shirt, and when I walked up there, there was some guy working there who was wearing an Auburn shirt. The peace and serenity of the bay was obviously in dire jeopardy. Disaster was narrowly averted as I took the high road and left the premises.

We got up the next morning and started windsurfing around the bay. It became very obvious that we were not going to be dropped off at noon; which is when our charter ended. Captain Phil and Laura knew that we weren't flying out for a couple of days, so they asked us if we wanted to hang out a while longer. We windsurfed all morning and then goofed around swinging from the halyards. We had to leave in order to clear customs before the ferries arrived in the late afternoon and jam packed the customs office. Our dream vacation was nearing a close.

We cruised over to Cruz Bay and dropped the hook right next to the harbor entrance. We dingied on in to town and cleared customs. We then cruised on into Red Hook where our charter would end. We went to the laundromat with Laura and had some drinks at an "Irish Yacht Bar" on the waterfront where iguanas were crawling around the whole place. We said goodbye to Captain Phil and Laura and then we caught a safari taxi across the island and back into the armpit of St. Thomas; downtown Charlotte Amalie.

We checked back into the Galleon House and nearly passed out due to exhaustion. We had envisioned lounging on beaches and swinging from hammocks while reading books. Instead; we were constantly on the go. Hiking to see cool stuff, learning to windsurf, sailing, and lots of snorkeling. We slept very soundly that night.

We checked out the shopping scene on Tuesday. (After all, that's all Charlotte Amalie is good for) Following our mingling with the cruise ship losers, we headed back to the hotel for some much needed pool time. We hung out by the pool and sucked down some drinks. We slowly built up the courage to brave the rough and tumble streets of the city and walked two blocks to a local restaraunt that came highly recomended. The walk was short, but the street was narrow and dark. I was even a bit nervous considering all the warnings we had gotten. The meal at Cuzzins was my favorite of the trip. All local food served by local people in a reastaraunt full of west indians. I took the leftovers back to the hotel, even though I knew I could never eat them. That food was so good, I just couldn't bear to see them throw it away.

We made it back to the hotel alive despite our unbelievable paranoia. We sat on the balcony enjoying the harbor view for one last time.

The following morning we lounged around and ate breakfast on the great patio at the Galleon House. We were in no hurry as we were adjusting to "island time" quite nicely. What we hadn't counted on was having to clear customs and account for a delay by our cab's arrival. When we arrived at the airport, the self service kiosk said we were too late to check in. The very nice airline employee realised our dillema and rushed us to the front of the customs line and the security line. We made the plane barely. It was an appropriate start for a day which would consist of us spending all our time on the ground rushing around airports. In Puerto Rico, we were kicked off of our next flight and had to go see customer service just in time to get new seats and make the plane. When we arrived in Orlando, we had to take one shuttle to the main terminal and clear through TSA security again before taking another shuttle to another terminal where we were rushed onto the plane. Since when is an hour layover a tight connection? We finally had an easy time of it in Salt Lake and arrived back in Portland just before midnight on Wednesday night.

I don't think that I can write anymore. This vacation was fantastic. I highly recommend it to anyone. Our hosts could not have been better. After you spend a week on a small boat with people, you know them quite well. I am confident in saying that a friendship was forged between all of us. If I was going to continue my life in the rat race with an annual vacation, I would definately schedule a charter with Storm Petrel for next year in Antigua. That will not happen, however, beacause this vacation has absolutely inspired and instilled the confidence needed to begin the long process of casting off the restraints of land life and heading for a vagabound life afloat. I may not be a real sailor yet, but I'm getting there.

Today is a good day

Alright- The new governor of New York is my hero. David Paterson was asked if he used marijuana in the past. He said yes. He was then asked if he used cocaine in the past. He said yes. The interviewer was obviously in shock.

It's not great that he did cocaine and marijuana in the past. That doesn't matter. What is so great is that he actually believes it doesn't matter. If more public figures would just answer questions honestly, then in a few short years their answers would no longer draw criticism. It would logically follow that the questions would then stop coming if the readers are no longer excited by the answers.

My phone is no longer working. This makes me very happy. I am looking forward to stepping out of the dark ages and into a telephone with a camera. I have solicited my boss for the top of the line phone available with direct connect. The requirement of direct connect seriously limits my phone choices. There is no telephone available with a slide out keyboard or dual direction hinge that allows for a full keyboard. However, this phone would be a huge step up for myself. This link sucks. If you actually care, then scroll down to the deluxe ic 902 model. http://nextelonline.nextel.com/NASApp/onlinestore/en/Action/DisplayPhones?filterString=Direct_Connect_Best&id12=UHP_PhonesTab_Link_WalkieTalkiePhones

Best of all, my company pays my phone bill. Hell- I never see the bill. The down side to this setup is that the number and the phone belong to my company. When I quit, I will have to get a new phone with a new telephone number. I am also going to have to copy all of my phone numbers down on paper and re-enter them into my new phone. I'm sure there's a way to import my contacts to my computer and them export them to a different model phone, but I betcha that I could do it manually faster than I could figure that shit out digitally.

Telephonically speaking, these phones are old technology anyhow. As soon as wireless networks are widespread enough to offer coverage in most areas, we can all just email each other instead of calling one another. Email is free. If I could have a small device that could connect to wireless networks and I could then access my email from anywhere: then why would I pay money to a celluar phone company every month? Spencer bought just such a device, but alas; there just aren't enough accessible wireless networks nor other people with such devices. Perhaps the iphone will bridge this gap.

If Portland will get off their collective city employee ass and get the citywide wireless network functioning properly, we could at least email all the time in Portland. Whatever, I just want a new phone without having to pay for it.

Hopworks Urban Brewery opens their restaraunt/Pub today. I will be there because I care. I actually like their beer, and their pub has a whole side that is no minors:all hours all days. Is there any sweeter sound to a barfly's ears? I think not. Your kid is annoying me. Please take your kid away from the bar and into your car.

Outside weather already?

Well it would seem that spring is going to come early this year in Portland. I believe that the time has come to determine ones location of alcohol consumption according to the all important criteria of patio quality.

There are several factors that come into play here. Should a patio be deemed worthy of happy hour use only if that precious sunlight is drenching the whole area until the last possible moment? Obviously this means a patio that is open to the west. The 5th quadrant and Amnesia come to mind immediately.

Should a patio be lush with vegetation and landscaping? Kennedy school and 21st Ave. Bar and Grill pop into my head immediately.

Should a patio be in fact like a backyard? Maybe some horseshoes? The Nest and Vendetta are good examples. There's a great backyard at some joint in Selwood, but I can't recall the name.

Since a patio is outside, should it have a nice view? There is Mcmenamins on the Columbia or the rooftop patio at Jax downtown. One of my personal favorite views is from the cockpit of my docked boat where the drinks are affordable and I get to pick the tunes. If I get too drunk, there's a bed down below.

Should a patio be dog friendly so your best buddy gets to hang? There's the obvious Lucky Lab or the kick ass Moon and Sixpence among many others.

Point is- It's almost patio weather, and though we in Portland are confined to the interior for several months out of the year, we are not driven back inside by unbearable heat in the summer. We get to imbibe al fresco until the fall breezes begin blowing in late October. I intend to do plenty of that this year.

Unfortunately we have to earn money in order to go out and spend it at bars, so I have to do some work now. For some reason, this just happened to be on my mind this morning.

BCS is the Suk

Yeahhhh- Georgia kicked the snot out of Hawaii. Who benefits? Answer: nobody.

Kansas and Hawaii had no business being in BCS games. The problem is this: If teams are rewarded for playing soft schedules, then we aren't going to see any good out of conference matchups during the regular season. The fans lose when teams like this get in.

Kansas is a good football team. I am not disputing that. Their A.D. saw this season coming years ago. They had no Oklahoma or Texas on the schedule this year. K State is struggling. Nebraska is struggling. So what did Kansas do? They got on the phone and scheduled their first four games against shitty teams. They blew them out. Who wins here? Answer: Only Kansas. The rest of us have no good games to watch.

Do we want college football to end up like boxing? Boxers go 22-0 because they fight chumps for two years before they'll take a big time fight. I think we would all rather see more good fights than see an impressive record.

We must stop rewarding teams for playing soft schedules.

Georgia is no exception. I realize that Georgia's schedule included a whole bunch of really good SEC teams. That is no excuse for their out of conference schedule. Georgia is scheduling games according to what will impress the BCS. I would rather see Georgia play big teams from other conferences in the early part of the year than see them go to the Sugar Bowl and play a WAC team.

Alright- enough about that. Why would I talk about sports when I have such a compelling life to recount? Answer: because my life has been less than compelling lately. I tried to get a part time job at the sailboat brokerage, but they simply don't have any room for me there. I am still holding out hope, but it won't be anytime soon. Hey- that's okay. My job is pretty cool and they compensate me enough to allow frivalous purchases. Like a Nintendo Wii.

I have not bought a video game console since the PS1. I kept waiting for something different to come out. Each new platform provided better graphics and gameplay, but the experience was very similar to previous platforms. The analog stick was tempting, but not enough to justify those ridiculous purchase prices.

Then came the Wii. Truly different. I gotta tell ya- the potential is huge. Metroid 3 is amazing. The gameplay is unlike anthing you have ever experienced. I am really looking forward to future sports games. The current crop does not take full advantage of the Wii controllers. I have no doubts that the EA engineers are working on some cool shit right now. I also look forward to seeing what Microsoft and Sony bring next. If they combine the graphics and speed of their units with the revolutionary gameplay offered by the Wii, then we are looking at big leaps in video gaming. I am picturing a helmet with a screen inside and lots of strap on sensors. Kinda like that VR stuff at Dave and Busters; except not retarded.

Maybe the Wii has something to do with my lack of adventure lately. Nah... I'm just lazy.

Chili cookoff in two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks. Best day of the year.

Bowling starts in five days. Thursday is my favorite day of the week. Friday morning is my least favorite day of the week. My bowling team is the best. At drinking.