Best City Ever

God Damn I love this city!

I am moving away from Portland in a month, but that is not because I don't love it here. Case in point: Portland is a fairly small city. Portland consumes more Pabst Blue Ribbon beer than any city in the world. Not per capita. Total volume consumed is what we're talking about here. What makes this fact so great is that the people of Portland choose to snub every other macro beer brewer that spends countless dollars advertising their product to the Portland market. Instead, Portlanders choose Pabst because they do not advertise, and pabst symbolizes the working man and the common folk. Sure, Portland loves microbrew; we lead the nation in percentage of total pints poured that are micro compared to macro, but when going the cheap yellow fizzy route, we choose Pabst.

Another great thing about Portland: World Naked Bike Ride. That's right. Last year (2007) Portland's attendance was second only to London. I think London estimates were around 900 while Portland's was estimated at 800. Ian and I took part this year, and the early attendance estimates are around 2,000!

I wouldn't doubt it at all. What a great time. We showed up at about 11 oclock in the PM to the starting point. We were in an empty commercial space in NW Portland. One giant room was open on two sides via roll up doors with a stage and a DJ going. People were dancing in various stages of undress. The next room over was a secure bag check. The next room over was another dance party where they were serving beer. The line wasn't too long. When we pulled up, we couldn't find a spot to tie up our bikes. There were temporary bike racks set up that I would guess could handle at least 500 bikes. They were jam packed. The fences, stair railings, and all sorts of other things were packed with bikes. We finally stumbled across a great tree and tied up.

Inside, the party was happening. I assure you that this was the best DP going on in town. I would say about half the dancers were naked. As the time neared to assemble for the ride, I stayed witht the bikes while Ian checked our bag. This gave me a chance to really observe the event. What a spectacle. People untangling their bikes and slipping all their clothes off while cheers were hailed through the air. The group was taking up both sides of a city street for a block and curvinig around the corner out of my line of vision.

I noticed a few perv guys wandering around with their cameras getting a workout, but they weren't being too creepy. Everybody looks at everybody else naked; but it's normally just a quick glance before looking elsewhere or up to their face. The perv guys are easy to spot as they continue to look back at the same girls over and over while acting like they're moving on. I didn't see anything other than a little lingering from a distance, and I'm pretty sure everyone felt comfortable. The vibe was fantastic. I've always said that some of the best times I've ever had were while I was naked. (And I'm excluding sex).

While I waited for Ian to check our bag, I was panning the crowd as people took off the few remaining articles of clothing. The funniest thing was the three or four guys I saw that were rubbing their unit before taking off their underwear. It was cold out there. I know, because I had already been completely naked for a half an hour. These guys were obviously concerned about shrinkage. They were clearly new to being naked in non-sexual groups. Nobody cares about body types. That includes all body parts. If anything- natural is good. I can see people looking disdainfully at enhanced body parts due to cosmetic surgery, but I've never even heard of that. All of my experiences have supported the fact that once people get naked in groups, they lose their normal tendencies to stereotype. Everyone in the group has one very big thing in common, and they bond over the experience. This night was no exception. I have certainly never been in a naked group of this size, but the bonding happened just the same. It was in fact more impressive because of how few people knew one another. Most people became more friendly to strangers due to the common experience of being naked. I had more people talk to me than normal in the city. Even though it was usually just a passing comment like "damn it's cold", or "that's funny", or "can you believe how many people are here"? - it was still noticeable.

I really expected the crowd to be much smaller for one, and not nearly as young and hip. Most people were under 30, and most people were either hippies, hipsters or burnouts. The serious cyclists were few in numbers, and people over 30 were few in numbers. Being young, the crowd was generally good looking. I enjoy looking at naked people, and there were lots of cute naked girls there. Hundreds actually.

Once the ride began, I would say that about 80-90% of the females were topless. Of those girls, about 25% were bottomless. I would say about half of the guys were completely naked. Others wore various costumes that usually didn't cover very much. It didn't matter what you were or weren't wearing. Nobody cared. The vibe was great.

We rode from the industrial NW up to NW 23rd. We rode up to Burnside and headed for downtown. We hung a right on 2nd and cruised past the bars before heading over the river on the Hawthorne bridge. We headed north on MLK and rode up to the Burnside bridge. We took Burnside across the river and all the way back to NW 23rd and then on down to the starting point.

I'm not gonna lie. It was cold. Especially over the river. Adrennaline works pretty well and the uphill stretches were fine. We were apparently a line that lasted for somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes (depending on downhill or uphill). With our numbers came confidence. We didn't stop for red lights or stop signs or busses or max trains. People were generally excited to see us. Most people just got out of their cars and waved and yelled encouragements. People came out of the bars and lined the sidewalks giving hi-fives. I saw two girls at a bus stop flash us. I saw a homeless guy waving with his pants around his ankles. I saw at least two groups of random cyclists taking off their clothes and joining us. I saw people on the streets getting their pictures taken with naked riders. I heard countless screams and many people just talking to themselves saying things like "unbelievable", "what a city", "only in Portland", "this is awesome" ect....

There were of course some motorists who weren't happy about the delay. Most just sat there and stewed, but some got out and yelled angrily. One truck apparently refused to wait and while a female cyclist stood in front of his truck, he began to inch forward into her. A guy jumped in and put his bike between her and the truck. His bike was crushed. I saw a fight about to happen between a cabbie and a cyclist who was blocking his cab from moving and refused to move. There were a couple of bike crashes as well. I know at least one girl pulled into a tall bike and ended up going over her handlebars. (She was totally naked). I'm guessing that's some nasty road rash.

Whatever- the ride was still awesome. When we got back to the starting point, the party was still going. People were amped from the ride and we went inside to party naked. The beer ran out at about 2 AM. A lot of people were beginning to put some clothes back on, but a lot of people were not. In fact, I saw lots of people get their bags and get dressed before coming back into the party, where they promptly started dancing and taking their clothes off again. It was awesome. But I am getting old, and I was tired. I am pretty certain that the party went until dawn, because I didn't see any signs of it letting up when we left at about 2:15 AM.

You all missed a hell of a good time- and I guess that this was kind of my last great Portland event. It was a good one to go out with. Here is a link to a short article about it. There is a short video if you scroll down. http://bikeportland.org/2008/06/16/a-naked-ride-for-the-ages/